huit =]

everything in my life is happening RIGHT NOW!

literally, it's kind of scary that in basically a couple weeks i've been elevated to almost an adult.

today i got my license [which was easssyyy, i kicked ass at parallel parking and 90 degree parking] and i have my car all ready and nice to drive with it's new tabs and new mirror.


thursday i met with my mentors, who are so chill and awesome. i'll be a mentee at mainstream boutique in apple valley. one of the most exciting things is i'll actually get to go to market with the buyer, which is basically where they go find new lines for their stores, it'll be amazing. fashion is such an important aspect of my life, i know this will be a huge step for me, almost like taking stairs 10 at a time, you know what i mean?


i've also got this amazing guy in my life now. =] and my friends totally support me on it. [well the majority of them....] and he is so fckn adorable, i can't stand it. it's so obnoxious liking someone, you get all crazy nervous for no reason, and work extra hard to look amazing everyday. i sometimes feel like im in a backseat goodbye song [listen to one and you'll get it] =] and thats really all i have to say about it for the moment...

im afraid to let one of my best friends in on it. just because....lately....she hasnt been so supportive of anything. shes mostly just been trying to keep herself above water in her insecurities, and it gets super old and i just want to yell at her to figure it out for herself. you cant rely on others for everything. you can't call people a million times a day. you cant always have the world revolve around you just to support you. you have to BE fckn responsible and a strong person and do it yourself, and blame yourself and say your wrong for things.



its ridiculous how some people just dont get the big picture. the things they say, the things they do. you CANT be spoon fed your whole life. if you have a problem a. admit your WRONG, even if your not. its the tactful thing to do. b. solve/talk it all out and fix your problem. c. move on.

i feel like the people around me have alot of maturing to do. age really isnt anything but a number, its all about your maturity and attitude.

on the other hand, finals sucked pretty much. more studying probably would have helped, but i think i did well anyways.

also my mom is being a crazy psyco and wont let me drive this weekend until monday =[[[ what the hell...

but....thats oretty much whats gone down lately. =]

seven.

today...

kind of kicked ass.

=]

six, and slightly upsetting.

Another boring, regular, normal day of school completed.

I'm sick of the shame old shit, but who isn't.

Lately I've been plagued with secrets sort of. Things i don't want to tell my friends because i know their opinion on the topic is the exact opposite as mine. Things i don't want to share with them for fear of ridicule, or fear of rejection by them. I honestly can't let my friends run my life like this. It's oppressive and it makes me want to pull my hair out. I know that what I need to tell them they'll be mad because they hold a two year old stupid grudge. even though I've let mine go and I have more reason to keep it. I find them to be so hostile to the past, like if something bad happened about 5 years ago they'd still cut that persons throat. And for what? Because they said something bad, because they looked at you wrong, because of an awkward crush that happened in middle school. I don't know but that is one instance where our ideas and beliefs clash strongly.

I don't want to hold a person captive in a bad impression forever. If they have proved themselves, then why still hold a grudge?

This is a huge part of whats going on in my mind right now. Since, the conflicting opinion is do I or don't I? Do I tell them about this idea in my head, this feeling i have. Or don't I, and keep it to myself and avoid conflict and take the easy route. It's slightly obnoxious. Two of them might accept it, but one might not. But I'm guessing they'll all gang up against me, what usually happens since its fun for them to ignite drama into their lives that makes them seem like the victims.

Yet, another conflicting idea and concern I'm having about my friends. Don't get me wrong, I think of them as siblings, pretty much sisters. But I can't excuse them for their sort of wrong ideas about things.

Its almost like if you were to hit someone, it leaves a mark but fades away. For them, that mark stays with them until death. For me, the mark stays with me until the person who created it shows me that it can be erased.

I don't know...that analogy was kind of awkward...but the point was made.

I'm thinking I should just go for it and not talk to them about it. Its me that has to make the decision anyways, not them.

just a little note...

since im in to this whole freegan thing now,
i decided im not eating ANYTHING that is processed or not organic.

if i cant read the ingrediants i cant eat it.

no oreos
no cake
no cookies
no juices
no teas [unless organic!]
no caribou coffee [they do have organic coffee there though...]
no starbucks coffee
no food loaded with sugar
no food loaded with carbs
no food loaded with salt
no processed food whatsoever.

i will drink water, and be loving some vegetables and fruits and tofu 24/7
=]]]

number four =]

OPRAH HAS CHANGED MY LIFE!

seriously,

that woman is a genius.

so on today's episode she talked about freegans. who are anti-consumerism, community loving, socially concerned people. They get [well some not most] their food from grocery store dumpsters, when they would have no need to be thrown away.

www.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freegan

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6dAOyUimAPQ

Basically, these people that call themselves freegans, are anti-consumerismerists [dont kill me if i didnt spell that right] who are totally looking out for our future. Being in a country that wastes so fckn much, and really doesnt care to change it's ways [except for the recent "Green" movement that really is kind of a joke, but atleast people are getting the point] it truly opened my eyes.

Freegans precycle [buying things in bulk to help reduce air pollution used when recyclables are melted down.] where they avoid junk mail, and choose to read things such as magazines online to avoid the obnoxious amount of paper.

They also dumpster dive.YES! the go in the garbage to get food, I was really grossed out when hearing this. They go to grocery store garbages, and look through them to get grocerys. Everything they get is pretty much what you have in your refridgerator.Think about it....the day you buy your stuff in the grocery store...you eat it. And a couple weeks after that you still eat it. Freegans are doing the EXACT same thing, only their taking the food that YOU [well not you, but it was with the food that you bought] that day and eating it. Because its in the "garbage" we qualify it as bad. And because grocery stores have crazy restrictions on how long they can keep things out to sell, the food the Freegans get is perfectly edible and fine.

Freegans also use furniture that has been thrown out. And supposdely is "not useable"It seems gross, dirty, useless, dumb, and ridiculous all at the same time.

But think of how much you waste. When you throw away a paper towel, when you brush your teeth all the water you use, all the paper you use from school worksheets. If you have worksheets from like chemistry that are blank on one side, use that side for math homework or notes rather than throwing that shit away.Making the future liveble for our grandchildrens children is all resting on us. And just because your lazy, and dont feel like stepping out of what you normally do, is an honestly dumb excuse not to help the world around you.

thats my peace rap for today. take it into consideration.

anyways, a tout a l'heure

troistroistroistrois

"jesus died a jew, you haters know its true"
-died a jew by say anything

ohk, well alot has gone down since my last post, let me catch you up. =]

I was sick friday,saturday,and sunday.
spending my weekend with a stuffed nose, sore throat, dizziness, and watery eyes
was not what i had pictured but, it's what was thrown at me.
conquering my sickness i spent monday catching up on homework
and battling the stupid chemistry paper on polymers.
bleck.
today i spent my day at the always classy university of minnesota in the magrath library reading about fashion.
after that, i came right home and went and got my hair done and now it's a beautiful rich dark brown with golden foils.
so...
that's what went down.

=]]]
now im off to drink some tea and read.

one/twentyfour/oh eight.

"they let us play with markers,
but i keep trying to draw infinity."
-the church channel by say anything

people from the past LOVE to come back and haunt you.
it's so funny the way they do, how after the fact whatever happened between you,
you have way more in common than you notice.
and its easier to talk to them.
i kind of like how that happens, it sticks your past right in your face and makes you acknowledge it.
helps you out, don't ever deny it.

ugh, for the past two days i've had sickness hover around me.
and today it struck.
leaving me sleeping all day, and drinking two jugs of cranberry juice.
now thankfully im feeling a shitload better and i'm even playing jetman.
=]]

one of my friends called me today, saying she missed me at school.
and how she walked the way she usually walks to see me and chat.
she was genuinely concerned and sad that i wasn't there.
i need to stop overlooking my most genuine friends...
their always the ones you leave to the side to concentrate on later,
taking advantage of the fact that they'll most likely always be there.

well, ask for the rest of the night i'll probably sip on some soup and read.
then tomorrow its off to fathers house, and dana's house to chill and play video games all night.
=]

bon soir mon ami's.
i hope everyone stays well.